The First Time I Was Betrayed by Love

When I first met D, I thought I had finally found someone who cared. She worked at a local restaurant and always looked out for me—gave me free food, handed me back extra money, smiled like she was happy to see me. I was used to being ignored or used, so this felt different. It felt safe.

She said things to me that stuck. “Your family doesn’t really love you.” “They’re just using you.” “I care about you more than they ever have.”

At the time, I believed her. I was young and already carrying too much. So when she said I could live with her, I ran away from home and moved in.

At first, it seemed like I’d finally caught a break. She had kids, was pregnant, and kept food in the house. But over time, I started to see the truth. The “kindness” came with expectations.

She told me I needed to earn my keep. I was already watching her kids and cleaning up after them, but that wasn’t enough. She took me to stores and taught me how to steal food—said not to come home without something. If I got caught, I was on my own.

Then it got worse. She started taking me to bars. She knew the kind of drunk men who hung around on payday. Her plan was simple: we’d flirt, get them drunk, go back to their place, wait for them to pass out, then steal their money. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be part of it. But saying no wasn’t really an option—not when I had no one else and nowhere else to go.

Even though I was just a kid, she didn’t treat me like one. She treated me like someone she could control.

She introduced me to her cousin, and eventually, D came to me and said something I’ll never forget: “He said he’s tired of the hugging and kissing. He wants more.”

I wasn’t having sex with him. Not yet. But she made it sound like I owed it to him. Like it was time. Like this was what people did when someone “cared” about them.

I didn’t even question it. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.

Looking back now, I can see exactly what was happening. I wasn’t being cared for—I was being used. D wasn’t my friend. She was grooming me. She knew exactly what she was doing.

But at the time, I couldn’t see that. I was a kid, desperate for stability. For love. For someone to choose me.

And that’s how I learned that not everyone who “loves” you actually loves you.

Even though it was hard to see then, God was still present. He protected me when no one else did. He didn’t let me spiral all the way out. He gave me strength to survive when I didn’t even realize I was fighting. And later—when I was ready—He helped me see it all clearly. He helped me heal.

If you’re in a situation where someone is making you feel like you owe them something... If love always comes with pressure or silence or fear... That’s not love.

It’s control. It’s manipulation. And you can leave.

You don’t have to keep paying for affection. You don’t have to stay because they feed you or clothe you or say the right words sometimes. You deserve better.

I didn’t know that back then. But I know it now. And I want you to know it, too.

God doesn’t ask for your body to give you love. God doesn’t trade safety for silence. He gives love freely. 

He saved me. And if you need it—He’ll save you too.